#and yennefer has the custody of it

[thedemonofcat]

Modern w/o magic:

Jaskier is Geralt's bestfriend (has been for years). Geralt and Yennefer share custody of Ciri, so they get her on alternating Christmases. Jaskier always invites Geralt over when Ciri spends the holidays with Yennefer.

Geralt kind of assumed this was a big sacrifice for Jaskier, giving up his holidays to cheer up a friend. Then, he finds out Jaskier spends the holidays alone when he's not with Geralt.

Naturally, Geralt starts inviting Jaskier over for Christmas when he has Ciri too.

“What do you mean you spend Christmas alone?” Geralt asked, trailing after Jaskier through the quiet diner where the bard worked during the day.

“I don’t know. You’re busy, and I don’t want to take you away from your daughter,” Jaskier replied, stacking plates as he tidied up. It was closing time, and the place was almost empty.

“What about your family? Your parents?” Geralt pressed, his brows furrowing.

Jaskier hesitated, then sighed. “I haven’t spoken to my parents in years. Not since they found out about... my preferences.” He glanced away, his voice faltering before finishing the thought.

“And your sister? Esii?” Geralt asked, remembering the fondness with which Jaskier used to speak about his younger sibling.

Jaskier’s hand stilled on the plate he was drying. “My sister is dead,” he said quietly, the words carrying a weight that stopped Geralt in his tracks. “A few years ago. It was cancer.”

Geralt stared at him, shocked, as the diner fell silent around them.

[thelostgirl21]

Geralt "Oh no! A stubborn bard has decided to follow me around! *Heavy sigh* If only I had the means to outrun him!" of Rivia

I don't think I'll ever get over how much of a drama queen Geralt is in Season 1, whenever he's pretending to be annoyed that Jaskier keeps following him around...

I mean, next time, when you find a stray bard on the road, maybe don't slow down your freakin' horse if you don't plan on keeping him, Geralt!

Otherwise, congratulations! You've just officially adopted him for the rest of his life!

He's your bard now!

It is thus your official responsibility to keep him safe, loved, well-fed, provide him with plenty of social and environmental enrichment, and deal with people's complaints whenever he runs off to cause trouble, steal their foods, hump their wives, mothers, concubines (I'm guessing Jaskier has angry nobles wanting to hurt him, more specifically, because even in a fantasy world, women are treated as "property", while men are expected to follow their own desires), etc.

I hate to break this to you, but you 100% brought this on yourself!

Oh, and just so you know, while you were away trying to deal with Rience and his master, your viscount of a bard started meeting and mating with Dijkstra and Philippa's prince.

Normally, that wouldn't really be a problem, given that it's not the first time your bard's been sleeping around with nobility.

Except for the fact that these two are absolutely awful at taking care of their own royals!

I kid you not, they recently had a queen and a king put down in a matter of days, because they felt like they'd failed their obedience training, and decided it would be easier to just start over with a new prince instead!

So, they made Radovid king now, and will no doubt be trying to teach him to heel.

And if they can't properly train him to be obedient enough, I fear they might stop letting him outside of the castle, use abusive and coercive techniques on him, or go looking for a new royal to potentially replace him, then attempt to have him be put down, too.

And, I mean, Yennefer and you have already adopted a viscount and a princess, right? What's one more royal to look after?

So, once you've gotten Ciri back, may I suggest you adopt him, too?

He's very sweet, quiet, and likes to hide in dark corners with a heavy fluffy blanket.

He loves listening to pretty songs.

He's very good at catching things being thrown by people, and bringing them back to their rightful owner.

Also, he doesn't mind spending the night in a shed.

For a king, he's surprisingly low maintenance!

A bit of mead, some warmth, a few hiding spots, your bard... I'm sure you'd have no trouble keeping him happy, and getting him to follow you around!

Plus, I don't mean to be rude, but it's kind of your fault it happened, you know!

If you'd just taken your bard with you when you went to search for Rience, he wouldn't have gone straight (or very queer, actually) to Dijkstra and Philippa's prince, engaged in courtship display, and started bonding with him.

So, I believe it would be pure cruelty to keep these two apart now that they've become a mated pair.

Normally, I might have suggested joint custody, but since you can't trust Dijkstra and Philippa to provide a good home for your viscount, that means you need to make some room in yours for their king.

And hope he won't do anything stupid that'll get him hurt until he can properly be rescued.

The good news, though, is that both your bard and his king are males, so you shouldn't have to worry about them making new little royal babies.

[hanzajesthanza]

ciri’s age is just something grand to calculate (not only because of the timey-wimey stuff which goes on in tower of the swallow and lady of the lake as well)

her birthday is in summer, belleteyn, may 1st

she’s 10 in sword of destiny

she’s “10 or 11” during the slaughter of cintra

triss estimates her at “about 12” in chapter 2 of blood of elves

she’s “almost 13” in chapter 4 of blood of elves, spring, and has spent the “last two years” training at kaer morhen

(she is in yennefer’s custody for that summer in ch. 7, turning 13, then presumably spends the rest of the year with her and they leave for gors velen, turning another year, another summer, another may, when she would then turn 14?)

keira estimates her at “14” in time of contempt, july 1267

vissegerd refers to pavetta’s betrothal as “15 years ago” in baptism of fire, august 1267

sabrina calls her “15” in baptism of fire, august 1267

hotspurn says that she’s “not even 16” yet (and thus she’s still considered a minor by the empire’s law) in tower of the swallow, early september 1267

vilgefortz calls her “15 year old” in tower of the swallow, late september 1267

vysogota estimates she’s “around 16” in tower of the swallow, ch. 1, early october 1267. and then addresses her as having “16 years of life” in ch. 10, mid-october 1267.

emhyr refers to pavetta’s betrothal as “16 years ago” in lady of the lake, spring 1268

sooo how is ciri going to be 15 and 16 in bof and ttos and lotl, in scenes which take place in august-september-october, if she has not had a birthday yet. because her last birthday was her 14th birthday in may of that year. the same year. doesn’t her next birthday have to be next may. of the next year. did the spiral add a year. did sapkowski forget. am i bad at math. i’m going to sleep i’ll figure it out later

[thelostgirl21]

I think that's why I'd get really upset if they suddenly had him turn power hungry / entitled / paranoid on the show...

Because Radovid loves in a profoundly healthy way, where he's not expecting Jaskier to drop the people he's already made a form of emotionally commitment to for him.

In a way, it's almost sad to call it "selfless", when it's actually the way love should be.

It's just not something you'd instinctively expect from someone in a position of privilege/power (though there are hints of Vizimir sort of infantilizing him, and controlling most aspects of his position, wealth, etc.).

And what I kind of love is that there's really a certain sense of innocence to it.

Like it doesn't even occur to Radovid that some people, when they claim to have 'fallen in love' with someone, might get possessive and upset if that person has no interest in socially isolating themselves from the rest of their friends and family to exclusively devote themselves to their newfound romantic partner for a while.

Jaskier comes fully equipped with a Witcher, a sorceress, an Elder Blood princess, a huge fan base, a lute-throwing lover, possibly various affairs... and Radovid seems fully willing to make space for all of that.

And I think he was so quick to offer to go with Jaskier in part because he didn't perceive that Jaskier was rejecting him, per se.

We, as the audience, know things that Jaskier doesn't.

All Jaskier knows is that Ciri snuck out while he was supposed to be watching over her.

By the time he comes across Radovid, Jaskier still has absolutely no idea what happened with her after that.

He doesn't know that Ciri then found Yennefer and Geralt.

He doesn't know that she sort of got back into "their custody" afterwards, and that he's technically no longer "responsible for what happens to her".

Jaskier's priority is finding out what happened to the young girl under his care, and making sure that his whole family is safe and/or able to care for her.

He's not "choosing his family over Radovid" so much as honoring the commitment he's made to them to watch over her.

In a context where Geralt, Yennefer and Ciri would all have safely been together, and not in need of potential immediate support, then Jaskier would have had the luxury of actually making a choice.

But under the circumstances, he's in no position to choose.

Technically, Radovid is headed towards a place where he's got "a whole army at his back" to keep him safe, whereas Jaskier's got absolutely no idea where Ciri, Yennefer and Geralt are, nor in how much danger they might be!

He can't follow Radovid to safety while abandoning those he loves not knowing what they are going through, and if they need his help.

Each time he refuses to go with Radovid or objects to Radovid coming with him, Jaskier does so clearly expressing that it's because he needs to find his family, and because he doesn't want to put Radovid himself in danger.

Not because he doesn't want to go with him or wouldn't go with him if the circumstances were different.

When you take a moment to think about it Jaskier is choosing Radovid and putting him first by valuing Radovid's life and safety above the help that he might be able to provide if he was to go with him.

But Radovid has a say in this as well, and can (or could, until his brother was murdered) afford to put Jaskier first in return, too.

Basically, I think Radovid has the emotional maturity and intelligence to understand that if an actual partnership with Jaskier is what pleases him, then it begins with a willingness to pool resources together to make each other stronger.

And that's what they are both doing in that scene.

Jaskier is offering to share with him his Sandpiper resources to help him get safely back home.

Radovid is offering to share his own financial resources to help Jaskier reunite with his family.

It's what two people in a healthy couple would normally do.

Radovid to Vizimir: I suck at court intrigues, being royal and all that; but boy have I just discovered I am solid husband material!

I think that's also why I'm cautiously hopeful that something will eventually happen where it'll become clear that Jaskier's own unique set of skills and resources could be better used helping Radovid with whatever challenge he'll be facing as King, than continuing to travel with Geralt and the Hansa.

And that it won't feel like he's "choosing Radovid over Ciri and his family", but more like an acknowledgement that Jaskier is simply going where he's most needed and most likely to be able to make a significant difference.

I'm not saying that Radovid is not selfless in his love... But more that it's healthy, reciprocal selflessness rather than a one sided, self-sacrificing selflessness.

He's investing himself in a relationship where all signs point to Jaskier being capable of that same selflessness for him as well.

There's a sense of balance, and strong interest in ensuring each other's well-being.

If you've got a healthy relationship kink Radskier is just pure porn to watch!

radovid's love for jaskier really is so selfless in a lot of ways, though. like, he asked jaskier to come back with him to redania and jaskier rejected him and chose his family over him and instead of being angry or hurt or jealous or reacting in any kind of negative way, radovid just immediately jumped on board and wanted to come with jaskier instead and was working out ways that he could help him. and he made that explicit to vizimir, too. like, he found his place and where he belongs with jaskier and he knows how much jaskier loves and cares about his family and he was completely willing to support him in that.

[thearvariblues]

The Mysterious Case of Jaskier's Immortality

Word count: 3601

*

“So nice to see you again, Yennefer,” Jaskier says, putting on one of his many fake smiles.

“Jaskier,” she replies with a smile that almost looks genuine but Jaskier is pretty sure that it’s not. Which she confirms a few seconds later by saying: “Shouldn’t you be dead already?”

“I see you’re as kind as always, my dear. But don’t you worry, Geralt is doing a very good job when it comes to protecting me.”

“Hm,” Geralt sighs resignedly, clearly regretting his decision to spend the night in an inn instead of the middle of a forest.

To be fair, it was Jaskier who suggested it, claiming that he refused to be eaten by angry drowners, no matter how many times Geralt tried to explain to him that the probability of finding a drowner in the middle of a very dry forest is extremely low.

If Jaskier knew they were going to run into Yennefer in the inn, he would have risked the drowners.

“I don’t doubt that,” Yennefer smirks. “But seriously, how old are you, bard?”

“No idea. I stopped counting after fifty, I think.”

“You know, you don’t look fifty,” she says.

“Oh, well, my mother had an elf lover before I was born, so there’s a fifty-fifty chance that I’m not gonna age anytime soon. Sorry,” Jaskier smiles again, sweetly – and this time, it’s genuine.

“As if,” Geralt grunts.

“I’m sorry, dear?” Jaskier blinks.

“Come on, Jaskier, it doesn’t work like that. You’re a viscount, that means your father must have been a viscount, too.”

“You don’t know much about nobility, do you, Geralt?” Yennefer snorts.

“Hm,” Geralt grunts. “Still, he’s not a half-elf.”

“Let me guess, you’re a Witcher, therefore you could smell it if I was? I hate to break it to you, dear heart, but you’re going to have your nose checked.”

“You’re not a half-elf, Jaskier,” Geralt repeats. “You’re not immortal, you just… look young.”

“Yeah, right, you got me,” Jaskier shrugs. “I just look good because I moisturize. Happier now?”

“Much,” Geralt nods. “See? You can be honest if you want.”

“Yup,” Jaskier nods. “Honesty personified. Now please excuse me, I need to go and moisturize some more. Internally. With ale.”

*

“I’m actually a mermaid, you know?” Jaskier grins the next time he’s asked, this time by a very confused and very old Valdo Marx.

“A siren, Jaskier. Not a mermaid,” Geralt sighs, praying to Melitele to give him strength. “And you’d know that, of course, if you actually were a siren.”

“Just so you know, the term siren is actually quite offensive to my people.”

“You mean idiots?” Geralt chuckles. “You’re not a siren, Jask.”

“Can you prove that I’m not?”

“Well, last week you tripped and fell into this creek that was like… knee-deep, and you nearly drowned.”

“I was in shock!” Jaskier proclaims dramatically. “But I have a proof that I am, or at least could be a siren.”

“What proof?”

“Well, my lovely voice, of course!”

“Not as lovely as you think it is,” Valdo Marx snorts.

“Come on, Jaskier,” Geralt sighs, ignoring the old troubadour. “You have much better voice that any siren I��ve ever heard.”

“Geralt of Rivia!” Jaskier gasps, clutching his chest. “Was that a compliment?!”

“Fuck,” Geralt mutters. “I didn’t mean…”

“Really though, Jaskier,” Valdo says. “How?”

“That’s a secret I’ll take to the grave, I’m afraid,” Jaskier grins. “Once I manage to reach it.”

“Keep on with the bullshit, Jaskier,” Geralt growls, “and you can reach it tonight.”

“Fifty years traveling with him, and he still thinks he can scare me. Cute, isn’t he?” Jaskier laughs. “Oh, Geralt you could never.”

“Try me.”

*

“All right, I’ll tell you my secret,” Jaskier winks at Ciri, who lifts an eyebrow. “I’ve got this neat… magic ring.”

“Hmmm,” Ciri observes. “Looks like a normal signet ring to me.”

“Well… Yeah, well, it looks like it, all right, but actually–”

“Jaskier, I was born a princess. This is clearly a Pankratz family signet ring.”

“Damn,” Jaskier groans. “Like father like daughter, eh?”

“Sorry,” Ciri shrugs.

*

“I got myself cursed.”

Triss Merigold lifts an eyebrow.

“Somebody cursed you to live forever, is that so?” she asks and her voice is almost dripping with disbelief.

“More like cursed me,” Geralt murmurs.

“Oh, shut up, Witcher, you know you couldn’t live without me,” Jaskier smiles brightly, and Geralt has to bite his cheek to stop himself from smiling back.

“Hm,” he says instead.

“Eloquent as ever,” Jaskier nods.

“Would you like me to...” Triss clears her throat. “You know, try to lift the curse?”

“No!” Geralt yells before he can stop himself.

“See?” Jaskier beams. “You could never live without me!”

*

“A bruxa,” Jaskier repeats to a young man who claims to be his son, but looks older than his supposed father.

“You’re not a bruxa, Jaskier!” Geralt whines.

“Excuse me, and how would you know?”

“Because I’m a fucking Witcher?!”

“Well, you’re clearly a fucking horrible Witcher if you haven’t noticed until now!”

“I think I’d notice if you tried to sneak out of the camp at nights to feed,” Geralt comments, crossing his hands. “You can’t even sneak out to take a piss, Jask.”

“Maybe I do that on purpose!”

“Besides, bruxae are mostly women.”

“Mostly being the important word here.”

“Fuck’s sake, Jaskier. You won’t even eat a piece of meat if it’s not so well-done that it’s almost cremated.”

“Do you know how disgusting the blood is, Geralt?!” Jaskier groans, and then immediately blinks when he realizes what he just said. “I meant…”

“Case closed,” Geralt nods, satisfied.

“Oh, dear,” Jaskier mutters. “I fucking hate you sometimes.”

“Uhm, my lords, if I may,” the young man says.

“Hate to break it to you, kid, but if you’re aging like a normal human, you’re probably not my son,” Jaskier shrugs. “Sorry. I get it why your mum might be confused, though. It was quite a night, with at least four–”

“And that’s enough,” Geralt says, grabbing Jaskier by the collar and pulling him away from the man. “You know, lifting the curse seems like a good idea now.”

“There isn’t really a curse, Geralt,” Jaskier laughs.

Geralt sighs, his lips curling into a tiny smile that Jaskier cannot see.

“Thank fuck.”

*

“You see, we were in a crazy mage’s tower and I saw this bottle and I thought it was slivovitz, so I drank it, but it seems that it actually was some sort of an immortality potion,” Jaskier explains to a lady at the ball, whose grandmother he’d apparently fucked once, when said grandmother was still a young, unmarried woman.

Geralt only blinks, because it’s the first truly plausible explanation for Jaskier’s mysterious immortality.

“Oh, that must be so horrible to watch everyone you love die!” the woman nods enthusiastically. “Perhaps you’d like to tell me about it in private?”

“Of course, my dear…” Jaskier smiles. “Just… wait a second. How old is your mother?”

“Forty-seven, why?”

Jaskier’s lips are moving silently for a few seconds while he counts, and then thy turn into a wide grin.

“No reason, dear,” he says, offering her his arms. “Shall we?”

When Jaskier and the lady flee the ball, Geralt pulls out his flask of White Gull and pours its contents into his empty tankard.

So, a potion…

*

“There is no such thing as an immortality potion, Geralt,” Yennefer shakes her head.

“How can you be so sure?” Geralt asks. “Maybe this mage really did find a way to at least make the human life longer!”

“And why would he do that?” Yennefer scoffs. She has been doing that a lot since she finally ended their relationship for good about twenty years ago. (He later found out that she had left him for none other than Triss Merigold, but Yennefer still doesn’t know that he knows, and he’s having way too much fun with it to break the fact to her. So right now, he is pretending he doesn’t notice that Triss is eavesdropping on their conversation behind the door leading to Yennefer’s bedroom, and that he absolutely believed Yen when she claimed that the loud thud a few minutes ago was caused by a cat.) “We are immortal, Geralt, unless killed. There is no reason for any of us to make a potion that would make a human live forever.”

“Well, perhaps this mage fell in love with a human and wanted them to stay with him!”

Yennefer pauses, inspecting Geralt from head to toe and back again, and then she sighs.

“Oh, Geralt. Really?”

“Really what?” Geralt blinks, genuinely confused.

“Oh,” Yennefer murmurs. “Oh, no. Really?”

“Really what, Yen?”

“You mean you don’t… Oh, dear gods. Really?”

“Yen, I swear that I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Geralt grunts, frowning.

Yennefer rolls her eyes and tries counting to ten to calm herself down. She doesn’t even get to three before Geralt’s eyes go wide.

���Oh,” he whispers. “Fuck.”

“Fuck, indeed, Geralt,” she nods solemnly. “Fuck, indeed.”

*

“I found a djinn, he granted me a wish,” Jaskier says when Geralt asks him, about five minutes after his meeting with Yennefer. (He agreed to use a portal to get to the bard as soon as possible. A fucking portal!) The bard is sitting in a tavern and eating his dinner, utterly undisturbed by the sudden appearance of an angrier-than-usual Witcher.

“You never mentioned a djinn,” Geralt growls. “And after your last encounter with one, I sincerely doubt you’d engage with another.”

“You clearly don’t know me at all–”

“Besides, Valdo Marx, as far as I know, had an apoplexy while fucking a young student on his desk, and I don’t think you’d ever let him die like that if you had a choice.”

“You see, that was kind of a my mistake, since I didn’t specify the time and the circumstances of his apoplexy in my wish, so…”

“What was your third wish?”

“Pardon me?”

“Your immortality, Valdo Marx dropping dead, that’s two. What was the third one? And don’t even try to mention the Countess de Stael, since you’d have to dig her up first.”

“That was disgusting, even for you, you know that, Geralt?”

“How are you immortal, Jaskier?!”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me.”

Jaskier puts a piece of bread in his mouth and grins.

“Maybe some other time, Witcher.”

*

“I am a fae,” Jaskier replies a day later.

“You’re not a fucking fae, bard.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because you fucking lie, Jaskier. All the time.”

“Fuck. Didn’t think of that.”

*

“You see, there was this artifact–”

Geralt closes his eyes, turning Roach around.

“Let’s consult Yennefer about this.”

“Oh, mother of…” Jaskier whines. “All right, no artifact, there was no artifact! Geralt, I’m telling you, there was no…”

*

“You’re not a succubus.”

“But it would be a perfect explanation, wouldn’t it?”

“You’re not succubus, because if you were, you’d know that a male one is called an incubus.”

“Oh, you and your stupid Witcher terms again.”

“You’re not an incubus, Jaskier, because if you were, I could never let you near Eskel.”

“All right… Explain, please?”

Geralt grunts.

“I’d really rather not.”

*

“A dragon,” Jaskier grins victoriously.

“No,” Geralt says, shaking his head.

“No,” Jaskier agrees with a sigh.

“You know you could just tell me the truth and be done with it, right?”

“Hm… No.”

*

“All right, enough is enough,” Jaskier growls that night in their rented room, tossing his doublet aside. “You’ve asked me three times today, Geralt. Why the sudden interest in my immortality?”

“As you said, enough is enough. You’ve been traveling with me for what, a hundred years?”

“A hundred and four.”

“Yes, and you still look the same as the day I met you in Posada!” Geralt growls. “And it drives me mad!”

“It wasn’t driving you insane for at least fifty years, so why the sudden change of heart?”

“Fuck off, bard. You don’t have to tell me. I don’t care.”

“But you do, Geralt,” Jaskier says, taking a step towards the Witcher. “Why?”

He’s standing in Geralt’s personal space, his chemise half undone, and he’s watching Geralt with those sincere blue eyes, and Geralt can’t fucking think…

“Because I love you, you idiot!” he snaps. “Because I fucking love you and I need to know if I can love you, or you’re gonna just drop dead one day without a warning!”

“Oh,” Jaskier whispers, his lips forming into a huge, happy smile. “Oh, fucking finally.”

“Fucking… what?” Geralt blinks, his arms suddenly full of an enthusiastic bard.

“I love you too, you silly Witcher,” Jaskier laughs. “I’ve loved you for a hundred years! Well, a hundred and four, but who’s counting?”

“You…” Geralt mutters.

“Silly, silly Witcher,” Jaskier repeats, pressing his lips against Geralt’s in a kiss that could be described as chaste, or at least the chastest Jaskier has ever been capable of. “We’re going to Lettenhove in the morning.”

“We are?”

“Oh, yes,” Jaskier whispers. “See, I’ve told you the truth about the source of my immortality once. But I think you need to see it to believe me.”

“Wait, you have? When?” Geralt asks. “Was it the artifact? Just tell me, I promise I won’t make you consult it with–”

“Shut up now,” Jaskier says, kissing Geralt again with way less chastity than before. “And in the meantime, believe me this – you can keep loving me, and I’m not planning on dropping dead anytime soon. Also, I’ve spent the last hundred years imagining fucking you senseless, so if you’re not opposed to the idea, perhaps we could, well…”

The kiss that this idea gets him is as far from chaste as one could possibly get.

And Jaskier definitely isn’t about to complain.

*

“You sure this is a good idea?” Geralt asks as they march towards the Lettenhove castle’s gates. He tugs at his doublet’s collar, way too tight for his liking. He’d much rather walk in there wearing his usual attire, but Jaskier insisted that Geralt must look presentable if he wants to meet his family.

It turns out that it only takes a single I love you to turn the bard into a manipulative bastard. Who would have guessed?

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Jaskier replies, grinning cheerfully. “And stop frowning, you’re gonna scare the servants, love.”

“How long it’s been since your last visit here, Jaskier?” Geralt says, his frown deepening. “Who rules Lettenhove now, hm? Aren’t you only going to be a distant relative, a great-great-uncle risen from the grave?”

“I sure hope not,” Jaskier chuckles, stopping in front of the guards by the gate. “Good afternoon, gentlemen. Viscount Julian, here to see the Viscountess Madeleine.”

“How can you still be a viscount?” Geralt blinks when one of the guards promptly disappears inside.

“We kind of decided to, you know, share the title,” Jaskier shrugs. “Seemed fair. Besides, father, well, the former viscount, insisted that I inherit the title, but he never mentioned anything about Mads not inheriting it, so…”

“How could your father have known who the viscount is going to be in almost a hundred years?”

“He really didn’t,” Jaskier chuckles. “See, it will all start to make sense once you meet her.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m hoping for.”

*

The guard returns a few minutes later, telling them that the Viscountess will meet them in the garden.

Geralt, knowing a thing or two about nobility, think it’s a little weird, but isn’t about to protest. He only thinks he could have left the fancy clothes at the tavern.

“Oh, shut up, you,” Jaskier chuckles when Geralt voices this thought. “You look gorgeous.”

“I know. You’ve mentioned it a few times. But I didn’t have to look like that, because we’re going to meet the ruler of this land in a fucking garden, and–”

“Julian!”

A woman in a long white dress throws herself at Jaskier, who happily catches her. Geralt’s first instinct is to reach for his sword, only to realize that he (luckily) left it in the tavern – because Jaskier insisted, of course.

“Madeleine,” Jaskier chuckles. “You haven’t aged a day.”

“Oh, yes. Shocking, isn’t it?” she laughs, pulling away from him, and for the first time, Geralt truly looks at her.

The woman is shorter than Jaskier, slim, and her dress is much, much simpler than Geralt would have expected considering the fact that is supposed to be a viscountess. She has dark, long hair and her face is so beautiful that it almost – but only almost – takes the focus off her pointed ears.

“Lady Madeleine,” Jaskier grins, “may I introduce Geralt of Rivia, my Witcher. Geralt, this is Lady Madeleine, the current ruler of Lettenhove and my younger sister.”

“You’re…” Geralt blinks.

“A half-elf, yes,” she nods. “Julian! You haven’t told him?”

“Hardly my fault. I really tried,” Jaskier shrugs. “But he just wouldn’t believe me.”

“So you brought him here to prove it to him, rather than to visit your beloved sister? You are a horrible, horrible sibling, Julian!”

“Your… sister,” Geralt mutters, all his thoughts speeding through his head, colliding and falling down, one over another.

“Yes, we definitely share a mother,” Jaskier confirms. “Most likely a father, too, and trust me, it wasn’t the old viscount. Madeleine got the elvish looks, I only got the non-aging bit. Well, apparently.”

“But…” Geralt blinks. “Your father. The title.”

“Yen was right, dear heart, you really don’t know shit about nobility,” Jaskier snorts. “But I admit that even though our dear departed noble father knew that Mads wasn’t his daughter, obviously, it never occurred to him that I might not be his true son.”

“But you don’t age!”

“In his defense, that only became clear after his unfortunate passing.”

“And you aren’t going to start to age anytime soon,” Geralt mutters. “You really aren’t.”

“Told you so, didn’t I?” Jaskier winks, letting go of his sister and wrapping his arms around his lover instead.

“I… I…” Geralt stammers. “Fuck.”

“Maybe later, love,” Jaskier smiles. “Madeleine, my dear, wouldn’t you say that my return calls for a feast?”

“Absolutely. In fact, I have started the preparations the second my spies informed me that you have crossed the border.”

“Oh, so we have spies now?”

“It’s really only a net of nosy old ladies, but it works wonders,” Madeleine laughs. “I must admit, though, that I was only planning a feast to celebrate you coming home, but now I see we have a much better reason to party. Tell me, brother, did you finally get your stupid Witcher?”

Jaskier smiles brightly, turning his head to Geralt.

“Yes. I finally got my stupid Witcher.”

“Party,” the Witcher in question growls. “Is that why you made me dress like a pompous prick?”

“No, that was because while I find your usual self extremely attractive, you still look much better when your hair is properly combed and you’re not covered in monster blood.”

“Hm,” Geralt hums, but wraps his arm around the bard to hold him close.

“Oh, yes, about monsters,” Madeleine says with the most innocent expression Geralt has seen since Ciri broke Vesemir’s favorite vase at Kaer Morhen. “You see, we have a tiny problem with a cockatrice…”

“Right,” Geralt nods. “I’ll go grab my armor from the tavern.”

“That won’t be necessary. I have already arranged for your things to be brought to the castle. And your horse,” she adds before Geralt can even open his mouth. “You can leave for your quest as soon as the servants get here.”

“So much for you not being covered in monster blood,” Jaskier sighs.

“Hm,” Geralt grins. “Lady Madeleine, I suppose you happen to have a bathtub somewhere in the castle?”

“Of course. In fact, there is a private bathroom right next to Julian’s bedroom.”

“Geralt of Rivia,” Jaskier purrs. “You know me so well.”

“Yes, and I expect to get to know you even better. In another hundred years or so.”

Jaskier laughs, pulls Geralt closer to him and kisses him.

“Another thousand years, I’d say.”

*

“What… the… fuck?!” Geralt croaks, staring at the smouldering remains of the cockatrice that would have surely killed him if Jaskier… If Jaskier…

The bard looks at his hands, then at the cockatrice, and then back at his hands again.

“Geralt? I have a feeling that I’m not really… A half-elf.”

“No shit.”

“I think I might be… Uhm…”

“Oh, shit,” Geralt whispers.

“I suppose, uhm, you know…” Jaskier stammers, wiping his palms on his trousers like he could wipe away the feeling of literal flames shooting out of them mere moments ago.

“Yeah. We’re gonna have to consult this with Yen.”

“Splendid,” Jaskier sighs. “Can it at least wait after the feast?”

“After more than a hundred years of you not even knowing, I think one feast will be fine.”

“Thank the gods. Madeleine would kill me if I tried to leave now,” Jaskier chuckles. “Let’s go, then. We need to get the fried monster remains out of your hair.”

“You’re… I was fucking right! You’re not a half-elf!”

“Yeah, you’re a great Witcher,” Jaskier nods, grabbing Geralt’s arm and dragging him away from the monster. “Didn’t notice I was secretly a fucking mage, but otherwise a great Witcher.”

“Explains a lot, though.”

“Does it now?”

“Yeah. I always had a thing for mages, you know.”

“Oh, Geralt. You’re such a fucking idiot,” Jaskier chuckles.

“Made you laugh,” Geralt shrugs, smiling.

Jaskier shakes his head.

“I’m so, so gonna drown you in that bathtub.”

“My love,” Geralt grins, “you’re more than welcome to try.”

***

Tagging @lottelorelei - I’m sorry I always forget to reply to your lovely comments, but believe me, they always put a big smile on my face! :)

[darkverrmin]

Yennefer, raising a suggestive eyebrow: So... How was your trip to the coast?

Jaskier: Guess who got laid?

Yennefer: Fucking finall-

Jaskier: Not me. Wanna know why? Because the man I'm in love with is an emotionally constipated idiot, who's better at communicating with his horse than with actual human beings.

Yennefer: Well, that sucks. I'm sorry.

Jaskier: Just kidding.

Yennefer: ...what?

Jaskier: We did the thing. More than twice. And in places I never dreamed of.

Jaskier: Geralt slipped and broke an arm. He's fine, though.

Yennefer:

Yennefer: I don't know if I'm more happy for you or more horrified that you two are now officially sharing (1) braincell.

Jaskier: H-

Yennefer: And Roach has custody of it.

[proheromidoriyashouto]

yennefer and jaskier get married for the tax benefits, student loans, citizenship, etc. and geralt is the guy who just found out he has a child they rent out the first floor of their house to so he can get custody of his daughter. now its a race to who bones the witcher first

[asweetprologue]

1000 Follower Benchmark Poll!

wow you guys!! i've officially hit 1k followers, which is... totally fucking insane. I'm so honored that so many people have come to enjoy my work and this blog, and I can honestly say that this community has become a hugely important part of my life over the past year or so.

I appreciate you all so much, and so I've decide to run a little poll in celebration of reaching this benchmark (and just in time for season 2)! Since there's so many of you now, it only makes sense that you would all get a say in what I work on next ;) Having finished both me lahm and my uni degree recently, I have the free time to start a new long-term project. I'm hoping to have a new long fic up by around March or April, and I want you all to choose what it is!

I've created a poll, which lists my current ideas for fics. You can vote for your top three ideas, and whatever one gets to #1 will be my next project! I will leave the poll open for probably a week or so, and then get started. Please vote if you can!

Descriptions of fics are in the poll and below the cut.

and all the billboards say: This Is The End - Zombie AU. Geralt and Jaskier escort Ciri through the apocalypse and they all save each other from the end of days.

bless these creatures of the night - The Continent if it were inspired by Westerns instead of Tolkien. Geralt finds a girl in the desert and has to take her to the Covens for training when she exhibits strange magical powers. Along the way he meets a bard and a witch who might just be the key to saving Ciri and Geralt both. (geraskifer)

Heartschism - Post-s2, Geralt finds himself at loose ends after Yennefer effectively takes custody of Ciri for training and kicks him out. She's still upset about Geralt's wish, and Jaskier has gone as well, remaining distant and hurt by Geralt's rejection of him. Frustrated and lonely, Geralt finds another djinn and wishes that he never bound himself to Yennefer. When he wakes, he finds himself married to Jaskier, living in domestic bliss, but quickly begins to realize that some things aren't as they should be.

he who builds a golden gate - Based loosely off of the Hearts of Stone dlc for the witcher 3. Jaskier makes a deal with a mysterious entity in order to save Geralt's life. Now the two of them must complete three impossible tasks, or risk losing Jaskier's soul forever.

Hinc Lucem Sacra - Jaskier asks Geralt to come and stay with him at the University, acting as his bodyguard when professors start getting murdered. Faced with several weeks of downtime in close quarters, the two must deal with the fallout of a hasty first time their last day together before winter, and Geralt leaving without saying goodbye. Features Redanian intelligence agent Jaskier and the city of Oxenfurt as a character.

in the morning hush - Geralt comes down from delivering Ciri to Kaer Morhen and hears rumors of a familiar bard meeting a tragic end (not mcd)

to leave an indelible pattern - Geralt has known from the beginning that Jaskier is his soulmate; his mark made that fairly obvious. The only problem is, he's not Jaskier's.

the tempo of falling (in love) - a rework of my first attempt at a longfic. Jaskier is a Bard capital B, with the power to change reality through song. Yennefer finds him after the mountain and kidnaps him, pressuring him to write her a song that will undo the wish Geralt made. Somehow, they grow together. (geraskifer)

[restmyheadatnightcontent]

these are some headcanons for my made in love verse that has been in my head a lot recently and  I want to put them into a proper fic so i’m hoping doing this will give me some inspo

- yen is working as lawyer in a big city and just doesn’t really enjoy it           

- at drinks with triss and renfri (which they do every week) and is complaining ab work again and renfri is just like ‘why don’t you just quit’ and yen is just like ‘huh’ and decides to quit and open a flower shop instead

- (she did a module in uni about botany and really enjoyed it and so that’s what she goes for. plus triss (who is a nurse) really likes flowers an so yen always asks her for advice about what to buy)

- one night she gets a call from triss who asks if she is still on the emergency foster care list (she was on it bc sometimes if there was a difficult case and she needed to have custody of children for a night) bc there is a young girl who was brought in from a car accident where both her grandparents died and no-one else is available

- so yen goes down to the hospital and meets ciri and brings her home and ciri is obviously traumatised and has nightmares almost every night and is just generally very withdrawn

-a social worker comes and decides what ciri needs is stability so asks if Yennefer would mind keeping her for a little while longer just until shes more settled and obvs Yennefer agrees

-so theres ciri and yen learning to live together and yen worries a lot that she is just doing everything wrong and she thinks she isn’t what ciri needs or deserves right now

-at some point during all this renfri announces that her half brother julian is moving into town and yen meets him and is just immediately like ‘wow hes an idiot’ and she doesn’t really expect him to hang around

-but jaskier (as he prefers to be called) does stay around and yennefer ends up spending more time with him and turns out yes he is annoying and loud but he is also funny and can be kind and gives her the kind of attention that she hasn’t gotten from anyone else in a while

-  they go for drinks and then dinner and they talk about their previous relationships and find they have similar track records of not being v successful in relationships (Jaskier bc he gives too much and yen bc she doesn’t give enough)

-and soon they start dating and he and ciri get along like a house on fire and helps bring her out of her shell (and also helps yen be silly and just to give less of a fuck about things) but she is still wary bc there is a small part of her that is worried he will leave

- but then its been a year and he’s still there and doesn’t seem to be going anywhereand suddenly yens like ‘oh shit I’m in love with the idiot’ and then they live happily ever after

[bamf-jaskier]

Jaskier, Yennefer, and Geralt have ONE braincell and Yennefer has full custody

[innocentbi-stander]

Jaskier the Emotional Support Bard

When a whole bunch of dominant personalities (*cough cough geralt and yennefer*) get stuck in kaer morhen for a winter, there’s bound to be some clashing

And by clashing I mean “weekly blowout fights over literally nothing at all”

Everyone in the keep is used to it at this point, geralt and yennefer are infamous for their fighting, everyone knows they really do care for each other, but their tempers often get the better of them

The best thing to do is to let them fight it out and eventually they’ll make up and be friends again

The one problem is that when geralt and yennefer are going through their weekly “friendship divorce” the custody of jaskier comes into question

Aka, jaskier the Emotional Support Bard to all of his emotionally repressed friends and lovers

Jaskier loves them both dearly but even he has learned that bouncing between geralt and yennefer when they’re fighting is absolutely intolerable and demands they figure it out on their own since he refuses to be made to decide between the witch and the witcher

Which really just leads to more fights

Geralt demands that he get jaskier because he’s his partner, and because there are very important things they do (what the witcher really wants to say is that he needs access to cuddle jaskier at all times but he isn’t about to admit that), and jaskier’s sword form with fall apart without daily practice (after jaskier revealed his elf heritage geralt had absolutely insisted he learn to defend himself)

Yennefer argues that she needs jaskier more because he’s her best friend (in the past few years yen and jaskier’s friendship has really formed as they both discover their shared fondness for creating chaos and expensive drink), she needs jaskier to drink wine with and bitch about certain witchers because nobody else in this gods damned castle is much of a conversationalist

Jaskier watches the two of them duke it out and tries to discreetly wipe away tears from his eyes because even though he hates their fighting, the bard is so lucky he has two people who enjoy his company so much

Of course yen and geralt immediately notice the tears and start fussing thinking they’ve hurt jaskier (both of them claim they don’t fuss but jaskier can reassure anyone that they absolutely do)

The bard watches from the sideline as a tentative agreement is reached, yennefer will get jaskier in the afternoons, and geralt gets the evenings

He giggles to himself at the ridiculousness of everything, jaskier never thought he’d find himself the equivalent of a rag doll passed between two children but here he is

And he doesn’t even mind that much

So thus proceeds the week of Shared Jaskier Custody wherein each day after lunch there is a tension filled meeting where jaskier is exchanged from person to person and tries not to laugh too hard

He loves the witch and the witcher but the two of them are just so gods damned ridiculous jaskier can’t always manage to hold it in

Eventually geralt and yennefer get over their petty spat and they’re allowed to all hang out together again, and everything is bliss

Jaskier knows it’s only a matter of time before it happens again, but for now he’s just so grateful to be so wanted by two of his favorite people in the whole world

Well that’s just an idea I had on a whim, hope you enjoyed! If you have any ideas/desire for a part 2, comment below!

[lambden]

For the fic meme, how about 20 and Filavandrel/Vesemir? Or if you're not feeling that, your favorite Yennefer pairing atm!

Send me a ship and a number 1-100 and I’ll write a drabble based (loosely) on the corresponding song from my 2021 top 100 on Spotify.

He wonders if he will always remember Filavandrel like this in the years to come— hunched over a stack of forms, hair falling from where he carefully pinned it up to hang in front of his face. There’s a vein popping between his eyebrows; perhaps the early precursor to a wrinkle although mentioning it would send the man spiralling into yet another breakdown about aging. Vesemir never said anything more than light teasing about the man’s skincare routine but the truth is that he doesn’t mind the wrinkles. He wants to see a hundred crinkles form in Filavandrel— he wants to grow old together.

Wanted, he corrects himself wearily. He wanted to grow old together. Vesemir really has to start using past tense.

Their attorney— one of the last things they’ll share together— is talking to Fil about some boring minutiae of the deal and Vesemir allows himself the privilege of staring. Filavandrel nods, dead serious as always, bottom lip tucked between his teeth as he pensively considers the terms. Vesemir doesn’t understand why this is taking him so fucking long; he’s already signed his side of the agreement, and now everyone’s waiting on Fil to get his shit together. It’s not like it’s a difficult procedure. It isn’t like they have custody to worry about.

Maybe that’s how he’ll remember Filavandrel when he thinks back on their marriage, thoughts bitter as black coffee. At the beginning their fights had been as passionate as every other part of their relationship, both reaching for whatever ammunition they could find to hurt the other. You’re lazy. You have no follow through. You’re greedy. You make brash choices. At least neither of them could say they were bored.

Then the fights started happening less often, but when they did they shook the relationship to its core. Their last argument had been the straw that broke Vesemir’s back, and, although he won’t be sharing this with Filavandrel or the lawyer, his heart. He frowns even now at the memory of it, sorrow curdling his already miserable mood. Filavandrel had stood by the sink, hands curled around the countertop and shoulders shaking as both of them adjusted to the weight of what he said.

Fundamentally different people in the end, although it took them nearly five years to get there. At the beginning they had only wanted each other but different wants took hold. Vesemir wanted a stable career, while Filavandrel wanted fulfilling work. Filavandrel wanted to keep renting apartments by the coast, clutching to his youth for as long as he could manage. Vesemir wanted to grow roots up in the familiar mountains where he was raised, even if he couldn’t stand the sight of Filavandrel shivering. And, of course, the nail in the coffin: Vesemir wants kids.

On their third date Filavandrel had brought up the subject over gelato of all things— there was a chubby-cheeked infant in a stroller cooing at them, and Filavandrel had mentioned it as casually as anything. Would you like to stay for another espresso after this? Also, would you like to have children someday?

And Vesemir— young, brash, greedy, lazy Vesemir— had shaken his head. I’d make a terrible father, with a spoonful of vanilla affogato on his tongue. He hadn’t even given Filavandrel an inch of hope, laughing the offer off like a joke. Children and families were for real adults to want, and Vesemir was determined not to grow up for a good few years. At least five.

In the here and now Filavandrel glances up to meet his gaze. Even though Vesemir’s been caught staring he doesn’t look away, blinking away the memories. “Just sign the papers,” he grunts out, so that he doesn’t say a thousand other things. Would you like to go get another espresso after this? Should we consummate our divorce right here on the table or are we too old for office sex? Will you ever want to see me again? Have you already stopped loving me?

“Impatient as always,” Filavandrel scoffs, looking down at the table again. But the corner of his mouth crinkles up, hinting at what could be a smile. He must be thinking of the very same memory, from back at the beginning when they still couldn’t stand the sight of one another. Vesemir scorned Filavandrel’s high-and-mighty uppityness, while the blond thought he was a pig with ribald, irreverent, exorbitant tastes. They avoided each other at every social event but kept getting thrust back together, destiny caring not for their childish qualms.

Finally Vesemir had caved, storming out of a party hosted by someone whose name he can’t remember now. He sprinted to catch Filavandrel before the man could board the train home, and caught him outside the station, yelling and making him jump. Shit, sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. You followed me? I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to go get a drink, or dinner, or spend the rest of our lives together or something. Are you serious? As a funeral; you annoy me so much, there’s got to be something here, right?

Across the table now Filavandrel reaches for the pen, still oddly smiling. But in their memories he stares, slack-jawed, the buzz from the party not explaining his racing heart. This is the worst way anyone has ever asked me out, you repugnant man. What, do you want me to get down on one knee? No— God, don’t be ridiculous, Ves, we’re in the street, stand up! You’re right, I’m sorry, I’m embarrassing us both. I didn’t say no, you impatient buffoon!

Vesemir smiles at the thought, hiding behind his coffee cup. Filavandrel finally signs his name, and the rest is history.

[9ofspades]

Modern-day Witcher AU:  Yennefer is a local politician. She started out in a really liberal area but then got bored or frustrated and moved around a bunch, eventually landing in a tiny blue patch in a sea of red states, where Geralt lives. Geralt is the kind of person who drinks Respect Women juice and says trans rights and all that, but is also very much a redneck, and spends his time hunting and having special interests in things like weapons and biodiversity. Never went to school, knows everything about the land - plants or animals - and if you need literally anything done (housing repairs, DIY job, wild animal put down, pet found) you ask Geralt and he does it almost completely silently; it’s kind of eerie how he responds to all attempts at conversation with monosyllables. He may or may not be autistic. He doesn’t seem to have problems with eye contact but he eventually starts keeping horses and talking to them. His neighbors like him well enough, though. 

Julien Jaskier is a Marketing/Sales person who started a band in high school and was pretty good as the lead singer/guitarist, but his dad didn’t believe he could actually make a living off that, and anyway the band split up so he went to college, no loans, and now works a survival job while making YouTube videos and running a Patreon for his music. No one seems to like it. He either gets no hits or he gets those spam bots on YouTube commenting about sex. At some point - possibly a crisis point - he leaves the city to go into the wilderness for some inspiration for his music, or possibly just to go scream into the woods for a while. 

After a lengthy process involving a lot of miscommunication, fighting, and misguided courtship, the three get together in a throuple. Jaskier sets up a social media account where he mostly talks (or sings) about his relationship with Geralt and sometimes posts videos titled “Geralt can apparently smell exactly which building I’ve been in??” and "We track down the escaped tiger”, which suddenly makes Jaskier’s Patreon a LOT more popular. Yenn has higher ambitions than local government but the state is terrified of her, calling her a witch, a Satanic influence who’s going to brainwash their kids into becoming liberals; and she’s openly polyamorous and living with two men while refusing to get married to either of them, which. Would have been fine in her home state but this state wants their good Christian values to remain unsullied. 

Due to medical complications, she also had to have surgery that made it impossible for her to have kids, which she is unexpectedly bitter about; while adoption is an option, she’s not married and cohabiting with two men who are definitely lovers, and some places are just extremely backwards about that. (Eventually Cirilla’s parents die and their will leaves custody to Geralt, despite the parents only having met him once; there is a huge legal battle about this, but eventually the throuple welcomes Cirilla home) 

[lesdemonium]

please please give us a 33. baby fic (i hope this means there is a baby and not the characters are babies or have known each other since they were babies) and 52. marriage of convenience geraskier mash-up 😌💕

oops i angsted all over this!!!

33. Baby Fic  + 52. Marriage of Convenience 

“What is this horseshit?”

Geralt looked up from the paperwork Yennefer provided him with. He was tensed, ready for a fight, but Yennefer held up her hand as if to stop him. It was with a huff that he allowed her to silence him, but he narrowed his eyes to find some way to voice his displeasure. 

“The judge is a family matters type judge. He won’t care if you’re the better parent, or that Ciri actually knows you. In his eyes, the fact that they’re her grandparents and that there are two of them means they are the obvious choice. I agree with you, it’s horseshit, but if we want to win this, we have to play ball. Now, as your legal advisor, I cannot advocate for you... bending the rules. But as your friend. Well. I think you need to do whatever you possibly can to make yourself a more ideal candidate in this judge’s eyes.”

Geralt’s lips thinned. He wanted to yell at Yen, to tell her this was stupid and archaic and made no sense at all. He’d had Ciri for a year now after the death of her parents. As far as she was concerned, Geralt was her dad. Now her estranged grandparents thought they had rights, and by all accounts would win their custody battle? It wasn’t fair. It was deeply, deeply unfair, both to him and to Ciri.

“What are you suggesting I do, then?” Geralt finally spat, glowering at her.

Yennefer spread her hands out on the table, palms up. She looked at him, an eyebrow raised, and tilted her head. Already, Geralt didn’t like whatever plan she had in mind. But if it would keep his 18 month old with him, he would be willing to do anything.

“How do you feel about marriage?”

--

It was a stupid idea. Geralt knew that even as he worked himself up to have the conversation all throughout Ciri’s bedtime routine. He took his time with it, trying to stretch out the diaper change, putting on her pajamas, and reading her stories as long as possible. Eventually, though, it all came to an end. Ciri was tired, and when Geralt put her in her crib, she rolled over onto her stomach almost immediately, her butt in the air, chasing sleep.

Geralt’s steps were heavy as he made his way down the stairs. He could hear Jaskier at the kitchen table, typing away on his laptop, and Geralt’s heartbeat only got faster.

“Hey! Let me just--” he finished typing with a flourish, then closed the laptop. Jaskier turned to face Geralt with a smile, holding out his hand for Geralt to take. Geralt did, and sat down in the chair across from Jaskier. “How did the meeting with Yen go? What did she say about all this?”

Geralt swallowed thickly. “She said they have a case. Not really, because Ciri’s grandparents don’t know her and Pavetta and Duny had a will, but the judge they have, probably paid for... we’ll have an uphill battle. Yen thinks they’ll be able to prove Ciri shouldn’t stay with me.”

Jaskier’s face looked stricken. He tightened his hold on Geralt’s hand. “But that doesn’t make any sense! She’s been here since she was six months! You’re her dad. They can’t just... take custody away from you because they decided to swoop back into her life!”

Geralt shook his head. “They shouldn’t be able to. But they have money. This judge tends to side with biological family. We could probably dispute that, by leaning heavily on the fact that they were estranged, and I was in Ciri’s life even before the accident. But he also likes two-parent households. He’s not a fan of single parents.”

“God, of all the prejudiced--I can’t believe that. There has to be something we can do. They can’t just... take her.” Jaskier bit his lip harshly, looking down. His eyes were beginning to tinge red, and Geralt didn’t blame him. Geralt had cried his fill earlier that day.

“Will you marry me?” 

The words burst out of Geralt so quickly, they were largely inarticulate. Jaskier’s eyes latched back onto Geralt’s as his eyebrows shot up. Geralt felt his mouth grow dry.

“Geralt, what--”

“A two parent household, Jask. We could be that if we got married. You’ve already been here for most of her life, she knows you and loves you. I love you. It would strengthen our case, and Yen thinks it’d be enough to get the judge to side with me.”

“Romantic, Geralt,” Jaskier said, voice dripping with sarcasm. He frowned and pulled his hand away from Geralt, instead wrapping it around his torso as if he were hugging himself. Or protecting himself. “Exactly what I’ve always dreamed my boyfriend would say. A marriage of convenience. Forgive me if I don’t swoon.”

“Jask, that’s not--” Geralt ran his fingers through his hair. It was what he meant, though. Jaskier was right. This wasn’t romantic, it was just pure convenience. He could understand the hurt, angry look Jaskier was giving him.

“I’m a little tired of Yennefer leading our relationship, Geralt. Do you really need her to field every single step we take? You only asked me out because she told you to stop being an idiot, and now you’re asking me to marry you on her legal advice. Jesus, did you consult her before we fucked, too? Did she give you tips and pointers? Should I thank her for you asking me to move in?” Jaskier pushed himself back from the table abruptly, the chair scraping on the floor. He stood up and walked into the kitchen proper, his back to Geralt.

“Jaskier, that isn’t what this is. It’s just to keep Ciri. I’m not trying to--”

“I know, Geralt. I fucking know, okay? And it’s very admirable and any other time I’d be swept right off my feet that you’d be willing to do anything for Ciri. But not when it means stomping all over me. I know Ciri always comes first, I agree, but can’t I at least be second?” His back was still turned to Geralt, but now Geralt could see his hands reach out to grasp the edge of the counter, holding Jaskier up. Geralt could see the muscles pressing taut against Jaskier’s skin.

Geralt stood, walking over to Jaskier slowly, as if he was a deer, easily spooked. Geralt reached out and touched Jaskier’s shoulder, and Jaskier yanked himself away.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to hurt you.” Jaskier huffed out a humorless laugh. “I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You and Ciri are my family. I didn’t want to make you feel otherwise, but I know this proposal isn’t exactly... encouraging affection.”

“You can say that again,” Jaskier replied. 

When Geralt touched him again, though, Jaskier didn’t tug away. Geralt took Jaskier’s hand again, turning Jaskier until Jaskier faced him, teary eyes and all. Jaskier’s back pressed against the counter and Geralt stepped into his space, taking Jaskier’s face in his hands.

“I’ll admit I wasn’t ready to propose, not actually. I don’t want this to be our story or for a hasty, courthouse, wedding of convenience to be how I tell the world I love you.” He took a deep breath, watching Jaskier’s face. Though his mouth was still a thin line and his hands remained tight on the counter, he was at least listening to Geralt. “When I propose to you, for real, it will have nothing to do with Yennefer, and will be solely about you. When we get married, we’ll have a ceremony, however you want it to look, and I will kiss you until you’re embarrassed of me. All I’m asking of you now is to help me keep our baby. Marry me on paper, that’s all. Please, Jaskier.”

Jaskier sniffed and rolled his eyes. “Your actual proposal better be so fucking romantic. And it is officially yours. There is absolutely zero chance of me proposing to you, now. You need to figure out how to make it a story worth telling to make up for this bullshit.”

Geralt nodded. He swiped his thumb out to wipe away a tear.

“And you are so in the doghouse. For a while, Geralt Rivia. This was a colossally bad false-start, and I demand to be woo’d and courted for my forgiveness.”

“Of course.”

Jaskier pursed his lips and tried to blink away his tears. “And marriage is something you want eventually, for real, not just to give us some legitimacy? Because I didn’t think you even wanted to get married at all. Being yours without a certificate didn’t bother me. But doing it that way when you don’t even want to do it that way, ever, that would just kill me, Geralt. I’ll do anything to keep Ciri but don’t--please don’t--I can’t if doing this will ruin everything.”

Geralt shook his head. “It won’t. We were going to get married one day, no matter what. The right way. I’m settling for doing it the wrong way so that I can keep you both forever.”

“Will things change?”

“Absolutely nothing. I’ll love you just the same before and after. It’s about legality only. Otherwise, I’m very happy with us.”

Jaskier took a deep breath and nodded. His arms finally snaked their way around Geralt’s waist and Geralt took that as permission to kiss Jaskier. It was soft, chaste, just a testing of the water. Jaskier looked wrecked when Geralt pulled away, though. He wouldn’t press it further.

“Okay. Let’s keep our baby,” Jaskier whispered.

send me a geraskier prompt mashup?

[theivorybilledwoodpecker]

Up to the 6th episode of The Witcher, and while Geralt shouldn't have mocked Yennefer for wanting a kid, but he has a point. TV show Yennefer is a rapist. You can't tell me those people in the orgy, who looked lost and horrified when she broke the spell, consented to that. No matter how tragic a person's back story is, rapists shouldn' have custody of kids.

[et-in-arkadia]

ok listen friend the hacker au was 7 years ago and so much has changed in computerlandia since but like i am incapable of not biting at this so let’s consider:

jaskier as a defected senior systems engineer from a company we’ll call, hmm, bookface who quit in a spectacular fashion by leaking the company’s most corrupt and illegal policies to journalists and basically getting them subject to congressional hearings and under fire for antitrust violations. he made a lot of money there in the early days but now feels sick after the company essentially helped destroy democracy so he dedicates himself to hacking for good and exposing the worst players in the tech world with these dramatic disclosures but this gets him persona non grata status and it’s an open secret that there are huge bounties from massive corporations for anyone who can find and expose him to the authorities, and it’s also known that no few of those companies would mind if something more insidious were to happen to him, so he goes underground

geralt as a former special agent in the fbi turned private detective who lost his g-man job for consistently refusing to carry out unethical practices but his decisions still culminated in the death of an informant, renfri, he’d been working with for a long time and he’s haunted by his failure to protect her. he’d like nothing more than to retreat entirely but he can’t, since he somehow inherited a kid. he’s hard up for cash after his goddaughter’s parents die in an accident and he becomes her guardian, and he tries his best to keep food on the table with whatever private cases come his way and odd jobs, but it’s a struggle. he hears that there’s a windfall for finding the whereabouts of that hacker brat “thebard” who seems to be peacocking about on the world stage for attention and for ciri’s sake he’ll do anything, so he decides to track jaskier down and succeeds via good old-fashioned detective work where all other efforts had failed

geralt lets himself into jaskier’s safe house and confronts him, ready to drag him out and turn him over for breaking countless laws, but jaskier talks very fast and shows geralt what he’s working on and manages to convince him that his next project is going to indict the worst people and change the world for the greater good and all he needs is a little bit more time. after that, geralt can do whatever he likes with him (no really, thinks jaskier). eventually geralt is begrudgingly won over and agrees, and that’s when jaskier offers to hire him as security because if geralt found him, someone else could, and a lot of people want him dead. geralt doesn’t want to get any more involved in this mess, but jaskier’s offering enough to pay for ciri’s college fund and set them up in a comfortable life (and there’s something earnest and resilient about jaskier that geralt likes, though he’ll hardly say that) and he can’t say no

against his better judgment, geralt is now jaskier’s private security, and he decides to bring jaskier and his operation back to his house, which is as secure and fortified a space as geralt can make. he’s nervous to be possibly endangering ciri but doesn’t see another way, and then ciri and jaskier get along like a house on fire and after a few days it’s hard to remember what life was like before jaskier lived with them. the rapport between jaskier and geralt grows, with geralt respecting him more and more as he comes to understand jaskier’s work and jaskier impressed with geralt’s wide-ranging competency and his dedication to ciri and, well, geralt’s everything, pretty much, and the sexual tension is getting to be unbearable, resulting in a bunch of near-kisses and finally a wildly passionate kiss that geralt walks away from because it’s fucking stupid to get involved with his client, who is also a criminal, and he tells jaskier as much and jaskier retreats to the basement where he’s staying and they stop talking. ciri, meanwhile, is doing her level best to make them stop being so stupid and get them together, because she knows what jaskier doesn’t—that geralt has never been so happy as he has since jaskier came to stay

jaskier releases his project, which threatens to bring down multinational corporations and possibly some governments, with reverberations worldwide, and he becomes the most infamous person on the planet overnight. he diverts geralt and sneaks out, leaving behind a note saying he can’t risk their safety for his sake and telling geralt that he loves him, and a bank account in ciri’s name with most of his money. it’s clear he thinks he’ll never see them again. geralt just goes absolutely feral trying to find him, but it’s ciri who’s able to track him down in the end, using the white hat skills jaskier had been teaching her

geralt goes to where jaskier’s hiding out and they both apologize for being fucking idiots and end up fucking for just hours and hours and hours, and then some more. but even then jaskier says he won’t come back and put ciri in danger, and geralt tries to assure him that he can keep him safe, and that’s of course when they’re attacked by a band of delightful blackwateresque mercenaries. geralt manages to fight them off and finally kills or injures enough to know that jaskier can escape, and then geralt collapses, showing that he’s been hiding how badly he was hurt in the melee. he tells jaskier he has to go, but jaskier refuses to leave him, and he calls for help knowing he’ll be apprehended along with getting help for geralt. he tells geralt he doesn’t care about anything else if it means losing geralt, and geralt thinks that this is it, he’s dying, so he tells jaskier that he loves him too and closes his eyes

geralt wakes up in the hospital with ciri by his bedside. he’ll live, but jaskier is in custody, and the government is not happy. however, it turns out that geralt still has some friends in high places who haven’t forgotten about him. his former fbi partner yennefer is now an assistant director, and after a whole lot of wrangling and string-pulling, jaskier gets a plea deal with only a few months in prison contingent on him working for the fbi’s cyber crimes unit under yennefer for, well, as long as she feels like it. geralt and ciri visit whenever permitted, and they’re waiting the day of his release to bring jaskier home

smash cut to: a very comfortable house in a lovely leafy neighborhood in d.c., where ciri is at the best school, geralt has started a thriving security consulting firm, and jaskier finds he really likes sticking it to tech criminals, even if he lives in perpetual fear and awe of his boss, yennefer. ciri has two dads who are madly in love, even if they keep up old habits and play at bickering a lot about it. ciri knows—and they know—that they have never been so happy or so lucky as they are now.

wait sorry was there a question? anyway. hacker aus, yeah, i’m done with those no way they’re still in my system at all